Saying Goodbye to your Ex's Memory

Are you creating a shrine to your ex lover in your home? Do you find it impossible to throw out the junk that they left behind them?

Q: Why can’t I throw anything away that used to belong to my ex?
A: You still miss them and keeping things around that belonged to them makes you feel more comfortable and secure. Once their memory has died, or the mice have tried to drag the items away, it’s time to have a clean out.

Q: How long should I keep the things my ex left behind when they moved out?
A: If you are sure that they don’t want their stuff back, you can get rid of it immediately. If you are keeping those things because you love to stare at them and imagine that your ex is on their way home to you, you should throw them out as soon as you can. And don’t go digging around in the garbage to put them back once you’ve thrown them out!

Q: What is wrong with wanting to be reminded of your ex after your breakup?
A: At first, there is nothing wrong with it. You are recovering and easing yourself gently into acceptance of a breakup. Keeping their stuff around lets you heal gradually, but keeping strange things like half chewed gum and loose hairs on the chair is either a sign of instability or just plain bad housekeeping.

Q: Who else keeps things that remind them of their ex?
A: There is no special type of person who does this and also no particular age group, so anyone might do this. The only people who might not do this are those who hate their ex and throw out their memory along with their stuff, and those people who hate clutter and throw things out all the time.

Q: Where should you put the things your ex left behind for safekeeping, after they walked out on you?
A: You can box them up and store them in a room or storage area, or you can put them in a corner or in a drawer. If you are very angry with your ex for leaving you for your best friend Jenny, a good place can be the Salvation Army or a nearby river. Don’t forget to give your ex the address!

Q: When is keeping memories of your ex in your home going too far?
A: Often it’s hard to say, but here’s an excerpt of Martin’s tale from Breakup Cocktail. The story is called Keeping Your Partner’s Junk: A Museum for the Soul.

Excerpt from Martin’s Tale
...Martin, ever the optimist, held onto Kathy’s belongings because they made him feel closer to her. He truly believed she would come back to him one day and he had to be sure that nothing of hers was missing.

Inside the box of items that Kathy had discarded was Mr. Biggles, her teddy bear from when she was a child

 —the one with the dangerous metal spike where its eye used to be, which she used to sleep with before it went partially blind and potentially lethal. Also in the box was a popcorn necklace Martin made for her one drunken Valentine’s Day. He was sure she would want to wear it on her return to him, and he kept checking it carefully for signs of insect infestation, as he didn’t want it to be eaten by ants or flies.

He even kept a shopping list she had written many months ago. Now it was looking somewhat faded because he would sometimes rub it against his face, transferring the DNA of the hand that touched the paper onto his cheek, so that he could savor it: “b-u-t-t-e-r, p-a-s-t-a, m-i-l-k; important things for her to remember when she came back to him and wanted to cook him a meal.

Martin waited many weeks for Kathy to return to collect her leftover things, but...

End of Excerpt

How did Marty get over Kathy? Was he ever able to discard all of her old junk, or did she come by to pick it up from him? Read Marty’s tale in Breakup Cocktail: 5 Parts Laughter, 1 Part Healing and a Twist of Revenge. Out now on Amazon.com Click here to see it