Wicked Traits

It’s hard to get back into the dating mode when you really don’t want anyone else except for your lost love. You know that no one will measure up to them. Even if you managed to get your hands on the best looking, most interesting perfect person, they still wouldn’t measure up to that cross-eyed, snaggle-toothed, semi-illiterate person who threw you out of the house into the snow on your birthday. You are used to that person. You still love that person. Why would you want to date anyone else?

Here is the beginning of a tale (the Tale of Dominic) that you may be able to identify with. Ever had someone break up with you and you want only them? Mr. or Ms. Perfect might enter your life at this point, but it doesn’t matter how perfect they are, you want your ex. Yes – that’s the person who cheated on you with your best friend; who maxed out your credit cards and who cut all the legs off your black tights. That  ex.

It’s difficult to put that person aside, especially if you still love them, or maybe you don’t really love them anymore, you just hate being by yourself – c’mon, be honest, they were boring anyway, but anything’s better than being alone.

I remember one night after my ex and I broke up, I met a guy and instantly felt attracted to him but I didn’t know why. He was an ugly little man and maybe deep down he thought I was an ugly desperate woman, but we hit it off and arranged to get together a week later. When we met again, I suddenly noticed that he really was a beastie-looking little man, and the look on his face when he saw me made me realize that I wasn’t the best gift he’d ever been given either. We endured a short evening of politeness and there was no way a kiss would end it, and we were unanimous in that!

We gravitate to someone who reminds us of our ex, often in ways that we can’t even put into words. It’s just a gut feeling, or maybe they have the same hooked nose or adult acne, but we loved those things on our ex and if a stranger has these things, we feel close to them.

Beware – you are feeling a false sense of attachment and security. This stranger, because of the familiarity that you are feeling about them, can worm their way very quickly into your heart and into your wallet, and before you know it they are drinking your juice directly from the carton or bedding a stranger in your house when you are at work. Just because they resemble your ex, doesn’t mean that they have their good traits. Maybe they just have the wicked ones and those are the ones you don’t need in a partner the second time around.

Breakup Cocktail book, by Barbara Kingsley Singer.
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