Friends with your Ex? tale

Staying in Your Ex’s Life: Accepting their new lover, or, a ménage a quoi?

After a relationship dies there’s usually an injured party, someone who was hurt and left behind for dead. Let’s say you are that person. Can you become friends with your ex, after the love has gone? Would you be able to move from a full, loving relationship to having a cup of coffee together with them once a week? As they finish their friendship coffee with you, they might say, “That was fun. Let’s do it again next week. I’m going back to my apartment now, where my new girlfriend/boyfriend is waiting for me, while you continue your desolate, wretched life without me.”

Now that’s a good friendship!

The Tale of Alice

Keith and Alice lived together for nine years, and when Keith met someone else, he was sorry to have to tell Alice it was over because he thought she was a good person, and she “never done him no wrong.” He let her know that he always wanted to be friends with her, but she loved him too much to be just friends and she had to break all ties with him. She took all of the photographs she had of them together out of her old-fashioned photo album, and reinserted them blank side up, so that they couldn’t see how sad she was.

A few months later she was thinking about him while shopping at his end of town and decided to call him up to see how he was doing. He sounded pleased to hear from her and invited her over for coffee. She gladly accepted—it would be really good to see him, she thought. A little like old times, only sad and perhaps poignant, but there would be coffee and that would be good.

When Keith opened the door he was beaming. “It’s so great to see you!” he said truthfully, hugging her and bringing her in. “Come and sit down. The coffee’s all ready.” They chatted like the old friends they almost were and she was proud that she was able to keep her emotions under control, because deep down she was still not over him. When the coffee and the conversation had been enjoyed and then finished, she said she would have to leave. At the same time, the door to the master bedroom opened, cutting off their goodbyes as quickly as a guillotine to the head.

Turning around in her seat, Alice saw an attractive young female emerge. She was pouty and lean, and was wearing nothing but one of Keith’s shirts, accessorized by a post-coital smile. Alice knew instantly who it was—it was Replacement Alice, Keith’s new girlfriend who had slid effortlessly into his life after she, Original Alice had been cast out. So, she really did exist and here she was in the flesh and certainly showing plenty of it.

When Replacement Alice saw Original Alice sitting with Keith, she stopped in her tracks and the post-sex smile faded away into a clot of embarrassment. Clutching Keith’s shirt around her as if it were the last life vest on the Titanic, she shamefacedly wandered back into the bedroom, glancing over her shoulder at the couple sitting on the couch before she closed the door quietly behind her. Keith, meanwhile, was squirming in his seat like a small dog trying to shrug off a winter coat.



“I’m so sorry,” he said to Original Alice. “I wanted to see you, but Replacement Alice was here, so I asked her to hide in the bedroom until you left. I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” Original Alice was lost for words. The man never ceased to amaze her. True to form, he then he amazed her again as he came up with yet another brilliant idea. “Hey!” he said. “I’ve got a brilliant idea! Wouldn’t it be great if you and Replacement Alice could become friends? You really are very alike and you could hang out and have fun together.”

“Fun” was a word that had been missing from Original Alice’s vocabulary since Keith dumped her, and the thought of spending time with her replacement, who was sleeping with her boyfriend, was not really her idea of fun. Even if he did think they would have a lot in common. Perhaps Keith thought they could exchange tips on how to please him. Eventually they could become sister wives. Or better still, just slaves to him. The possibilities were endless. “Then we could all be friends together!” finished Keith, looking at Original Alice for approval.

“Tune in to next week’s exciting episode. Can the two Alices become friends? Will they become mall buddies? Could Keith bring about world peace with his negotiating skills or will he start world war three in suburbia? Don’t miss next week’s episode: Alice Get Your Gun!”

Comment

It’s difficult trying to be friends with someone you once shared everything with, including all of the love that God gave you. Your ex’s world is changing and shifting away from you, so where is your niche in their world? Is there a place for you to be a friend of theirs alone, or is the only slot available one that includes their new partner? Or will you never be friends?

Comparing a committed relationship to a friendship is similar to likening a fast-moving speedboat ride to sitting on the side of the river. Riding on a speedboat is like a real relationship. It makes you feel intense, gives you emotions of pleasure, apprehension and happiness. A friendship touches more lightly on the emotions, is often more low-key, and the good feelings are less intense. It’s calm and even, like the river as it flows by. So there you are, sitting on the riverbank as the speedboat of your relationship zooms past, with your ex on board. You give it a final wave goodbye as it races off to places of excitement and deep passions, leaving you to feed the ducks. 
“More bread?”
“Quack quack.”

Can you remain friends with your ex? It’s the type of decision that sometimes has to be tried, rather than decided by rational thinking. It’s something that either falls into place or just falls flat on its face. Most of the time a friendship of exes follows a waiting period, like being at the doctor’s or getting a license for a gun, the only difference is no one tells you when you’re ready to reacquaint with your ex again. Original Alice may never be ready for a friendship with Keith and Replacement Alice. Perhaps she could find a Replacement Keith? That way Original Keith could have a sports buddy to watch the games with.

Excerpt from the book Breakup Cocktail: 5 Parts Humor, 1 Part Healing and a Twist of Revenge from Barbara Kingsley Singer
Breakup Cocktail book contains about 60 Tales including this one, but without illustrations
Click here to buy now on Amazon.com
Copyright© 2012 Barbara Kingsley Singer